The 10th Annual King of Fighters Picnic
by Stef
Summary: Grab a dish, pick up some ice, and keep your rivalries at home- Kim Kaphwan is hosting the social event of the summer! Can everyone survive it?


Title: The 10th Annual King of Fighters Picnic  
Authors: Stefi & Domino  
Summary: The title says it all, really.  
Rating: PG-13  
Disclaimer: SNK Playmore owns characters, not me.   
Notes: This is as in character as it gets :/  
  
The alarm went off at the crack of Noon, and Iori rose from his bed and scratched his butt as he walked to the kitchen. While eating his Alpha-Bits, he looked over the stack of mail on the table, shoveling another spoonful of cereal into his mouth. Normally, it was just bills and junk mail, but a small, orange envelope grabbed his attention. He picked it up and tore it open. In the process of tearing the envelope open, he also tore the letter inside.   
  
"Fuck," he said, but since he had a mouthful of cereal, it came out sounding like "frock".  
  
Iori was about to give up his search for some tape when his doorbell rang. He smirked upon seeing who his morning intruder was. "Kusanagi."  
  
Kyo was drenched, even though no signs of rain were evident. "Can I come in for a minute?" He asked, nearly panting.  
  
Iori stepped aside and let Kyo into the house.  
  
Visiting Iori wasn't something Kyo did everyday, in fact he made it a point to avoid his rival's house altogether... but today was a very rare exception. Yuki was in town.  
  
"Yuki in town?" Iori asked, handing Kyo a towel.  
  
Kyo nodded. "She insisted that I bring her to that damn picnic. I ran through the sewer to avoid her." He showed Iori a dripping orange envelope.  
  
"I got one of those, too. It's an invitation to a picnic?" Iori asked.  
  
"Yeah. There's one every year, remember?"  
  
"Actually, I don't."  
  
"You don't remember the King of Fighter's annual picnics?" Kyo was shocked. He then thought about it for a moment. "You were probably too drunk to remember any of them."  
  
Iori sniffed the air. "...We have picnics?" Kyo smelled awful.  
  
"Yeah."  
  
"And I attended them?" Iori had no idea what the hell was going on.  
  
"Ever since you entered the tournament, so yeah, since '95."  
  
"You're kidding."  
  
"I'm not, actually."  
  
It was silent for a minute before Iori gave him a look. "How GAY."  
  
"Funny, hearing that from the guy with the girly pink curtains-"  
  
"They're rose valances." Iori interrupted. "Hand-made from the finest silk, I'll have you know."  
  
"Hah, whatever. I'm just shocked you haven't freaked out over me dripping all over your nice, soft rug yet."  
  
Realization dawned on Iori. "MY ONE OF A KIND NEVER REPRODUCED PERSIAN RUG!!" He shoved Kyo's offensively dripping body from his precious rug. "These water stains will never come out..." Iori said, crouching on the rug, assessing the damage. He pouted. It smelled like sewer-Kyo now.  
  
Kyo tried not to laugh. "Like I said, you have no room to be calling anything gay."  
  
Iori glared at him. "You offend my senses." He pointed in the direction of the bathroom. "Take a shower."  
  
Kyo headed for the bathroom. "By the way," he said, turning around, facing Iori's direction. "Cute jammies." He pointed to the redhead's flannel pajama pants with the pink ice-skating penguins on them.  
  
Furious, Iori flung a decorative chenille throw pillow at Kyo's head.  
  
===  
  
A few hours later, Iori and Kyo showed up at the "stupid picnic" together- Kyo in Iori's clothes, and Iori carrying a stew pot. Everyone stared in shock for a moment before resuming his or her activities.  
  
Iori nudged Kyo with his elbow. "What do you think they were staring at?"  
  
Kyo rolled his eyes before sarcastically replying "Your Godzilla oven mitts."  
  
Iori frowned, contemplating for a moment. He supposed the oven mitts did clash with the rest of his outfit. Far be it for him to admit Kyo was right, however.  
  
"WELCOME TO THE TENTH ANNUAL KING OF FIGHTERS PICNIC!" That voice nearly grated their nerves to ribbons. The fact that the voice was amplified through a megaphone didn't improve matters either. Behind the megaphone was the self-appointed coordinator of the picnic, "I'm Kim Kaphwan, your host for the day."  
  
"Whoop-di-shit," Iori mumbled to himself.  
  
Kim turned off his megaphone, "Iori Yagami and Kyo Kusanagi..." He looked on his clipboard, "Ahh there you are! Make yourselves at home."  
  
"Um, where do we put our dish?" Iori asked quickly, not wanting anyone to spot his gaudy oven mitts.  
  
"What did you bring?" Kim got his clipboard ready so he could jot down Iori's name and what he brought for the potluck dinner later on.  
  
"Tomato bisque," Iori said with great pride.  
  
Kim nodded. "Tom-ah-to... biss-kyoo."  
  
Kyo arched an eyebrow at the Taekwon-do champion.   
  
Kim sniffed. "It helps me to spell words better if I say them they way they look written down."  
  
"Oh.." Kyo pretended to understand. Spelling was never his strongest suit. Or math. Or anything taught in a classroom, really.  
  
"So what did you bring, Kusanagi?" Kim asked, pen pointed at Kyo.  
  
"Bring?"  
  
"It said on the invitation... quite large, in the Times New Roman font, bold print, that everyone was to bring something for the potluck. Where is your item?" Kim looked behind Kyo, as if expecting to see it magically appear.  
  
"I, ah, helped Iori with his tomato biss-kyoo." Kyo replied.  
  
Iori nudged Kyo with his elbow. Hard. "Bisque."  
  
"Yeah, I helped make that, too." Kyo said with a nod.  
  
Kim sighed and stepped aside to let them in. "Very well. You can give your dish to May Lee who is around here somewhe-"  
  
"HERE I AM!" May Lee shouted at Kim. She was standing behind him the entire time. "What can I do for you, sir?" She struck a needless pose.  
  
"Could you put this where all the other dishes for the dinner are, please?" Kim asked, trying not to stare at Iori's 'lovely' oven mitts. He got a What Are You Staring At? look from the redhead anyway.  
  
"Of course! Anything to make this picnic a success!" May Lee dutifully took the soup from Iori and ran off to put it with the rest of the food.  
  
Kim checked off something on his clipboard and made an extravagant hand gesture to the rivals before spotting Choi trying to look up Hinako's skirt. "If you'll excuse me, gentlemen... CHOI THAT IS JUST NOT RIGHT!!!"  
  
===  
  
During all the hubbub with Choi, the roar of a motorcycle came closer to the picnic. The small, blonde woman driving removed her helmet and jacket, placing both precariously on top of the seat. Then she placed a sign on top reading, "YOU TOUCH MY BIKE I BREAK YOUR FACE."  
  
She nodded once and wandered into the picnic area. Kim immediately stopped her, "Miss Ryan! Glad you could make it!" He immediately checked off her name, "You can sit wherever you'd like. Did you bring your required dish?"  
  
Blue Mary nodded and held out a casserole dish, "I call it... Macaroni and Cheese."  
  
"Classic. MAY LEE!" Kim bellowed again, "You know what to do."  
  
"Of course!" May Lee appeared out of nowhere and took Mary's dish to the table.  
  
Mary shrugged and headed further into the grounds.  
  
"Hey Mary!" Terry Bogard caught her attention and waved to her. With him was his banal brother Andy and of course, Joe Higashi. "Come sit with us!"  
  
At the next table over, Mai, King, and Kasumi Todoh sat. Mai whipped out her fan, "No! Sit with us, Mary!"  
  
Terry narrowed his eyes, "Mary's my girl! She's sitting with us!"  
  
Mai giggled, "Whose team was she on this year? Exactly. Come on, Mary!"  
  
Mary glanced at another table and smiled. She headed in Terry's direction... and kept walking past him. As Terry widened his eyes, Mary waved to the table in her sight, "Billy! Yamabear!"  
  
Terry looked at Mai, "Yamabear?"  
  
Mai shrugged. "Maybe she found out about you and Rock?"  
  
Terry pounded his fist on the picnic table. "Nothing is going on between Rock and I!"  
  
Rock appeared at that moment, as if on cue, and deposited himself in Terry's lap. "Ooh, Terry, it's so hot out and my shirt is sticking to me..." He removed his shirt and tossed it over his shoulder.   
  
Terry fainted.  
  
Billy let out a haughty laugh when he saw Terry faint at the sight of the topless Rock Howard. He laughed even harder when his boss, Geese Howard, saw his greatest enemy with his young son, "You bastard! DIE BOGARD!"  
  
"Get 'im, sir! We don't need that child molester 'ere!" Billy added.  
  
Yamazaki snickered, as did Mary as she sat down with them, "You should talk, Kane. What about that underage matador you're bedding?"  
  
Billy immediately froze, "He's -not- underage... he's nineteen.. goin' on twenty."  
  
"Oh! Yamazaki, you said he was twelve!" Mary giggled.  
  
"For the last time, 'e's NOT twelve!" Billy fumed.  
  
"Okay, fine. He's not twelve. He's thirteen," Yamazaki laughed while Billy readied his cane.  
  
"Y'both suck." Billy said, moving his cane so it came dangerously close to both Mary and Yamazaki's faces. At least Eiji hadn't teased him. Yet.  
  
===  
  
It was nearing one o'clock and Kim still had some names that were on his list that hadn't arrived yet. He sighed. "It's just common courtesy to RSVP, you know?"  
  
May Lee nodded vigorously. "Who hasn't arrived yet?"  
  
Kim opened his mouth to reply, but someone yelling loudly and using very profane language cut it off. He checked off Ralf Jones' name along with the other Ikari Warriors. "Never mind, they've made it."  
  
Heidern led his troops out of their mini-van (camouflage painted, of course) and over to the park entrance.  
  
Kim smiled and greeted them. "Good afternoon, ever-"  
  
"YOU SALUTE WHEN ADDRESSING A SUPERIOR OFFICER, HAVE YOU NO ETIQUETTE, SOLDIER!?" Heidern screamed into Kim's face. May Lee ran away, terrified.  
  
Kim nearly dropped his clipboard, correcting his posture and saluting Heidern. "My apologies, I'll remember for next time."  
  
"NEXT TIME, WHAT!?" Heidern demanded.  
  
Ralf tried not to laugh.  
  
Kim squeaked. "N-next time, SIR!"  
  
Heidern nodded and thrust his arm out at Clark expectantly. Clark handed him a sack of potatoes. Heidern took the potatoes and shoved them at Kim, who barely caught them. "This is our Food Item for the potluck dinner." Heidern said, not shouting for once. Kim looked as if he were going to inform Heidern that the food had to be cooked, but he thought better of it. He wasn't fond of being yelled at.   
  
"Okay troops, move out." Heidern said, and Ralf, Clark and Leona broke formation and wandered off to mingle. Heidern clapped Kim powerfully on the shoulder before walking off as well.  
  
===  
  
"Athena Ikimasu!"  
  
Kim's eyes widened, "May Lee, make sure Jhun is as far away as possible."  
  
"Why, sir?"  
  
"Athena's here!"  
  
May Lee nodded rapidly and ran off to distract Jhun while Athena and her entourage arrived.  
  
"Kim-san!" She squealed. Hers was the only voice that could grate even Kim's nerves.  
  
"N-nice to see you again, Athena. Who's with you?" He readied his list.  
  
"Ohh lemme see... I got Kensou, Chin, Karou, Malin.. at least eight bodyguards...."  
  
Kim didn't want to tell her the limit on guests was one. He checked all their names off, "V.. very well. what did you bring for dinner?"  
  
Kensou handed Kim two stacks of steaming baskets, "I'll give you three guesses."  
  
"I said dinner, not breakfast," Kim snapped.  
  
"Eh, either way. Oh, and you might want to assign someone to guard the dinner table. Li Xiangfei just showed up," Kensou pointed towards the table.  
  
"Xiang...fei...?" Kim nearly fainted.  
  
Surely enough, there was little Xiangfei, pushing everyone out of her way to get to the goodies. "I've got an appetite and I'm not afraid to use it!!"  
  
Kim smacked his forehead while Athena and her group chose a table, "Why... me?"  
  
===  
  
Ash Crimson drummed his fingers on the patio table outside the house he, Shen Woo, and Duo Lon shared (don't ask, just smile and nod). The neighborhood was rather quiet today. The Sakazakis next door weren't outside beating the ever-loving hell out of one another, Kula and Diana, who lived across the street with their robot, hadn't come out to check their mail, nor had their upstairs neighbors, K' and his older sister Muchiko (but no one called her that to her face). "I wonda 'ere everyone could be?" Ash said to Duo Lon, who was stretched out on a lawn chair, trying to get a tan.  
  
Duo Lon tried not to roll his eyes. He hated it when Ash insisted on faking a French accent. "It's Saturday, they're probably all just relaxing."  
  
Just then, Shingo Yabuki came running down the street. He looked like he was in a serious hurry.  
  
"Sheengohhh, 'ere are vous off to?" Ash asked.  
  
Shingo made a confused face at Ash before replying. "I'm very late for the picnic." He waved around his invitation. "Can't talk, see you guys later!" And with that, Shingo was off and running again.  
  
Ash scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Ah never got an eenveetatio' to anee peecneec."  
  
Shen Woo came out of the house in a Hawaiian shirt and Bermuda shorts. "Who wants margaritas?" He asked, shaking a pitcher around.  
  
Ash grinned. He had an idea.   
  
===  
  
Kim looked at his clipboard and frowned at the three newcomers. "Nothing on my itinerary says anything about a Jimmy Buffett tribute band."  
  
Ash, in his usual red leather outfit -accompanied by several colorful leis a pair of sunglasses, and a fake mustache- pouted. "Are you sure, mon ami-- err, Ah mean, fellow parro'-'ead?"  
  
Duo Lon and Shen Woo stood behind Ash- Duo Lon with a steel drum and Shen Woo with a ukulele. "Maybe this is a bad idea." Shen Woo said quietly.  
  
"Maybe you're right," Duo Lon agreed, "Do you think he'd notice if we snuck away?"  
  
"Probably not." Shen Woo said, setting the ukulele on the ground and stepping away from it carefully. Duo Lon did the same with the steel drum, and before Ash could rant at Kim anymore in his horrid fake-French accent, his two teammates were AWOL.  
  
Ash turned back to Kim and frowned, peeling off his fake mustache.  
  
"Better luck next year." Kim said, patting him on the arm reassuringly.  
  
"That's what they told K9999 two years ago!" Ash shrieked as he ran away crying.  
  
===  
  
"ATTENTION EVERYONE!" Mei Lee's voice boomed through a megaphone, grabbing everyone's attention. "I KNOW YOU'RE ALL EATING RIGHT NOW, BUT THE CONTESTS ARE ABOUT TO BEGIN!"  
  
"Ya hear that kids!?" Takuma Sakazaki smacked his two children on their backs as they ate. "The competitions are about to start! Let's show everyone just how strong Kyokugen really is!" The older man, known to his foes as Mr. Karate began to stroll away to sign up for every single contest as Yuri and Ryo proceeded to choke on their hamburgers.  
  
===  
  
As the afternoon progressed, the contest results were as follows; Ralf won the arm wrestling challenge, Xiangfei won the pie-eating contest, Terry, Takuma, and Vanessa beat Ramon, Igniz, and a drunken Saisyuu at tug-of-war, and Athena predictably won the Karaoke Contest against Vice and Mature (Jhun sabotaged the votes but later regretted it as he was found beaten within an inch of his life in the ladies' room).  
  
Kyo, Iori, and K' were among some of the competitors for the final contest of the evening: the Three-Legged Race. Iori and Kyo agreed to team up with one another because they figured Iori could frighten people away as Kyo dragged the both of them towards the finish line.  
  
K' was stretching while waiting for his race partner, Maxima, to get out of the bathroom when Shingo came running over- looking frazzled as usual. "…You alright there, Shingo?" K' asked.  
  
Shingo nodded, still a bit out of breath. "I just wanted… to ask Kusanagi-san… if he would be my partner for… the race." The young fighter panted.  
  
"Um, sorry Shingo, but I already have a partner." Kyo explained. Iori smiled evilly at Kyo's biggest fan.  
  
"Y-you're partners with him!?" Shingo shouted. "B-but I-" He glanced over at K'. "Why not be K'-kun's partner instead? He's probably way faster than Kusanagi-san since he doesn't eat all that much, and just look at those long, skinny legs, why I'm sure you could win the race no problem if you were partners with K'-kun!"  
  
Iori glanced at K' briefly before turning his attention back to Shingo. Christ, but this fucking kid rambled.   
  
"...Also, you can't be teamed with Kusanagi-san because last year at the Three-Legged Race, you two tried to burn everyone in your way, which is very unfair to the rest of us, but I guess it's no less fair than you and K'-san being tied together, since he has flames too, but I'm getting off track here..."  
  
"Kyo is never going to fuck you, Shingo." K' blurted, not even realizing it.  
  
Everyone within hearing distance had stopped talking. All eyes were on the three of them. K' covered his mouth with one hand and snuck away to have some potato salad before something terrible happened to him.   
  
"Y-yeah?! We.. Well.... K' has CRABS!" Shingo screamed unexpectedly.  
  
The moment everyone heard that they took a nice big step away from K' at the serving table.   
  
Benimaru made his way over to Shingo and grinned, "You don't have a partner? I would -love- to be your partner, Shingo-chan...." He rubbed himself indecently over the other boy, making him hyperventilate and gush blood from his nose.  
  
"Whoa hey... calm down kid.. here, have this," Andy handed Shingo a napkin and a paper bag.  
  
Shingo wiped his nose with the napkin, "Thanks Andy-san, but why the bag?"  
  
"Breathe into it. It really helped me a lot when I first started dating Mai."  
  
"ANNNNDDYYYYY!!"  
  
"That's my cue.. have fun guys!" Andy bolted out of the party like a man possessed.  
  
"And don't forget... blow hard," Beni breathed into Shingo's ear.  
  
The next thing Beni knew Shingo was on the floor, out cold with a massive blush on his face.  
  
===  
  
As the sun set and everyone gathered their leftovers, Kyo hazarded a glance in Iori's direction. The red-haired man was hording all the watermelon for himself, silently daring anyone to stop him. Today wasn't so bad, all things Yagami included.   
  
Kim walked up to Kyo with a sack of potatoes and sighed. "It wasn't as organized or as peaceful as I would have liked, but I still think this year's picnic was a success, wouldn't you agree, Kusanagi?"  
  
Kyo nodded. "It wasn't bad, Kim. Uh, what are you taking home a sack of potatoes for, though?"  
  
"Oh these!" Kim said, smiling. "Well, Heidern brought them and I couldn't very well serve my guests uncooked food, that's simply bad manners. What I'm going to do with them instead is have Chang and Choi peel them as punishment."  
  
"Ahh." Kyo said as Iori walked over with a Tupperware container full of watermelon slices. "Good luck with that."  
  
"See you at the next social function, whatever that might be." Kim said, as he waved his goodbyes.  
  
Kyo grinned and began heading home with Iori in tow. "Ya know," Kyo began, "we always walk away from these things knowing more than we really want to."  
  
Iori blinked, contemplating his rival's statement. "More than we want to, what? That Shingo has a crush on you?"  
  
Kyo shook his head. "I was talking about K's crabs, but that too, I guess."  
  
Iori nodded and they walked in silence for a few moments until he cleared his throat. Kyo looked over at him. "Uh, what are you doing next weekend?"  
  
"...Nothing." Kyo answered. "Why?" He added, suspiciously.  
  
"I'm having a Tupperware party and you're invited if you want to come."  
  
Kyo blinked. "I'm... gonna go this way now." The brunet headed off in the opposite direction.  
  
Iori called after him, "Your invitation will be e-mailed to you!"  
  
-end-  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
.  
  
Yashiro looked impatiently at his watch as he swatted a mosquito away from his face. "I don't understand. This IS the place where the picnic is... where is everyone?"  
  
Shermie shrugged and looked at the invitation in her boyfriend's hand. "Well, it says eleven o'clock on the invitation..." She then peered closer. "...in the morning."   
  
Yashiro was in deep trouble.  
  
Chris could only sigh as he watched Shermie chase Yashiro across the empty park, blasting him with the occasional lightning bolt.  
  
-the end... no, really this time-


End file.
